A roller coaster ride that never stops.

Middle Age

Tomorrow I officially enter my mid-40s, and that is not sitting very well at all. In addition to being a good 20 years older than I feel I should be, I am finding that my parents and others around me have really been ratcheting down the fanfare with which we celebrate my big day for several decades now. For these two reasons, I am wondering if it’s time to just downplay the whole event and become one of those bitter people who says, “I don’t celebrate my birthday.” I now practically share the birthday with an adorable little niece anyway, so I will try to be gracious as I hand over the Birthday Sceptre to her. For this first year, anyway. But here’s my ideal birthday:

Get taken out to breakfast and then sent to the bookstore for the rest of the morning. Then, be welcomed home to a nice lunch and the option of spending the afternoon reading and writing in a comfy chair of my choice. I would then be taken out to dinner and we’d come home to a nice cake and party. Then, I would be sent for a leisurely evening walk before coming back to rest and read in bed till I drift off at 9, or some such ridiculously early hour.

I can’t help noticing that there are no childcare or household duties in that day at all. And no dishes created, really. So that probably isn’t happening.

What I would like most of all is to create a Second New Year for myself, start some good habits, refresh my goals for the year, and try to foster some of the serenity that should come with middle age. Here’s hoping that my day tomorrow will at least have five minutes of peace in it to allow for a private birthday moment in which I feel grateful to be as old as I am, and grateful for yet another chance to get things right.


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